Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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