i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
