i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
