And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
