I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
