I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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