she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
