I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
