yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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