No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Someone signed my nipple.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
