Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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