i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
