the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
