Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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