I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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