I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
