I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
