SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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