So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
