btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
