I am in a vortex of obligation.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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