I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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