When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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