is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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