Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We're facebook friends in real life
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
