I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
