She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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