is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is my gift to your gina
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
