if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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