It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
