Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
