In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
