Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
