just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
