dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
