HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
