The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
