I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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