the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
