dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
