yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
