I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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