You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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