The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How's work?
Spinning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This toilet bowl is my home.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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