Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My ATM looks so different sober.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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