I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
