so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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