dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
