as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
