I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
