well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
