Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
