two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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