how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
