Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
