i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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