My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
