I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
