I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
