he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
