therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
