We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
