who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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