Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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