i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
