But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
