That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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