areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
