Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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