Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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