you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
